Want to see some amazing results in your life? Ask questions and then listen well. We have discovered that a disproportionate number of the most successful people consistently and systematically use an approach known as insightful questioning to build rapport with other people in ways that generate much better outcomes.
Here’s how they engage in insightful questioning—and use it to generate truly impressive success.
The importance of insightful questioning
Being adept at using carefully chosen insightful questions serves a number of purposes:
- It enables you to be more effective at garnering useful and important information from other people—such as their goals and the drivers behind those goals. Armed with that information, you can potentially find ways to work together that might not have been obvious otherwise.
- It facilitates rapport between you and other people because it seeks to create deeper levels of understanding of all those involved.
- It’s a powerful way to connect with other people and provide you with information that you can use to further your own agenda—often while simultaneously helping them, too.
Be an engaged listener, too
Asking insightful and thought-provoking questions ultimately won’t help you learn new information or build rapport if you tune out when the other person answers. You must also be adept at deep listening—focusing intently on the person talking through fully present, nonjudgmental listening.
When you deeply listen to someone, it’s almost as though you are suddenly standing next to the person and seeing the world as he or she sees it. You become a comrade or partner. Since most people rarely have the experience of being deeply listened to, this experience of camaraderie is equally rare. The person you’re interacting with will feel more bonded to you as a result.
How do you do it? Start by creating by saying to yourself, “I am going to have a great conversation with this person, and we will both have a great experience.” With so many thoughts buzzing around in your head all day, you must intentionally commit to being as present as possible with the person in front of you. By keeping this intention foremost in your mind, you will greatly increase your odds of success.
Then listen on the surface to the information that the person provides. It’s important that you capture this surface information as accurately as possible. But also listen for the person’s thoughts, feelings, values and needs—which he or she might not come right out and say directly.
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Robert J. Pyle, CFP®, CFA is president of Diversified Asset Management, Inc. (DAMI). DAMI is licensed as an investment adviser with the State of Colorado Division of Securities, and its investment advisory representatives are licensed by the State of Colorado. DAMI will only transact business in other states to the extent DAMI has made the requisite notice filings or obtained the necessary licensing in such state. No follow up or individualized responses to persons in other jurisdictions that involve either rendering or attempting to render personalized investment advice for compensation will be made absent compliance with applicable legal requirements, or an applicable exemption or exclusion. It does not constitute investment or tax advice. To contact Robert, call 303-440-2906 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
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